Mostly
Racin' Stuff
By
Tom Avenengo
Volume # 212
02/12/2015
Some
personal/family stuff:
Not too much to report on this week. This past Monday I did go to the VA clinic to
get my hearing aids. Now, just patiently
waiting until Feb 19th when my sons Tom & Eric fly down from NY for a few
days. Just hoping "Mother Nature" doesn't throw a
monkey wrench in their travel plans.
Oh, the hearing aids? They work great. Lots more to them than I thought - like
cleaning, making sure the "Red" one goes in my right ear and
"Blue" one in my left. Where
to send to get batteries - lotsa stuff to keep me on my toes.
Racin’
stuff:
Racing is picking up now, down here in
Florida. The northern invasions is about
to start, and Daytona is right around the corner. I won't be going to Volusia for the modifieds
on Friday, the 20th, but am planning on going to East Bay on the 28th for the
USAC sprints.
HOW
OLD IS “OLD ENOUGH?”
http://www.sprintcarinsider.com/news/old-old-enough/
Racing and kids - an interesting read.
NASCAR: Jay Robinson buys Tommy
Baldwin Racing’s No. 36 team, re-numbers to No. 62
http://motorsportstalk.nbcsports.com/2015/02/06/nascar-jay-robinson-buys-tommy-baldwin-racings-no-36-team-re-numbers-to-no-62/?ocid=Yahoo&partner=ya5nbcs
Robin Miller on Don Branson
http://www.racer.com/indycar/item/113333-racer-robin-miller-on-don-branson
ARCA and FOX Sports announce multi-year broadcast agreement
http://www.arcaracing.com/articles/1993896-arca-and-fox-sports-announce-multi-year-broadcast-agreement
OCFS:
I see that OCFS is making
another attempt to have racing for 4 cylinder cars again. If I remember correctly, when they first
tried it, only one showed up. Kinda like
the Trucks at OC. Maybe instead of
looking for extra "back gate" monies, they should spruce the whole
place up, get more food concessions other than Maxwell's (prob can't do that),
put clay down on the track (too late for this season) and do some damn
advertising? Remember when most every
store had racing posters in their windows?
Just wondering - the Motocross track - how much money does it bring in,
and does any of it go towards the oval track?
Accord non wing class:
http://www.dirttrackdigest.com/DTD/index.php?/topic/52947-accord-non-wing-class/
In the link
supplied, it has this:
"Right now plans call for
Accord to run them weekly and New Egypt to campaign them on a bi-weekly basis.
New Egypt and Accord will pay $1000 to win as long as there is a full field of
cars competing."
Question: Just what is a "full field of cars
competing", anyway?
Back
in time:
From February 16th to February 25th:
FEBRUARY 16
1906
Fred Wagner , the starter of the race, waved what is believed to be
the first checkered flag used to signify the finish of an auto race as Louis
Wagner was about to win the 1906 Vanderbilt Cup Race.
1920
Walt Faulkner... Born
2005
Russ Klar ... Died
Note: Some photos of Russ are in
this weeks photo section. He was a
favorite of my late wife, and also one of my favorite drivers.
2008
Jerry Karl ... Died
FEBRUARY 17
1925
Colby Scroggin ... Born
1987
Frank Kurtis ... Died .
A little about Frank Kurtis:
http://www.wheelsofspeed.com/report/2_17_87-1.html
FEBRUARY 18
1928
Jim McElreath ... Born
1962
Scott Kalitta ... Born
1976
Jimmy Kite ... Born
2001
Dale Earnhardt, Sr.... Died
FEBRUARY 19
1921
Ernie McCoy... Born
FEBRUARY 20
1934
Bobby Unser ... Born
1937
Roger S. Penske ... Born
1959
Scott Brayton ... Born
Daytona Beach ... The first
races on the 2.5 mile Daytona International Speedway took place, twin 100 mile
qualifiers for the first 'Daytona 500'.
2008
Buster Warke... Died
FEBRUARY 21
1964
Daytona ... Dodges and Plymouths equipped with the new hemi engine
dominated the twin 100 mile NASCAR GN qualifying races at Daytona International
Speedway.
1965
Jean Marcenac ... Died
FEBRUARY 22
1911
Emil Andres ... Born
1920
Ray Knepper ... Born
1921
Marshall Teague... Born
FEBRUARY 23
1958
Paul Goldsmith wins the final NASCAR race held on the beach at
Daytona, Florida
1964
Richard Petty won his first NASCAR Daytona 500.
FEBRUARY 24
1938
Connie Kalitta... Born
1955
Alain Prost... Born
FEBRUARY 25
1961
Davey Allison ... Born
2001
Alfred "Pee Wee" Southcott ... Died
From
Jayski:
Sprint Unlimited info:
http://www.jayski.com/news/stats/2015/story/_/page/2015-NASCAR-Sprint-Cup-Sprint-Unlimited
BK Racing to announce driver of #26, Jeb Burton:
NASCAR
Sprint Cup Series team BK Racing will hold a press conference announcing both
the driver and primary sponsor of the #26 Toyota Camry followed by Q&A
session on Monday, February, 9 at 11:00am/et at the NASCAR Hall of Fame Great
Hall (BK Racing).
Hearing that Jeb Burton, so of Ward Burton, could be the driver of the #26.
Burton ran the truck series in 2014 in the #13 ThorSport Racing Toyota with
Estes as the sponsor. Burton was supposed to return to the team but the sponsor
and team couldn't reach an agreement, so Burton is looking for a
ride.(2-8-2015)
UPDATE:
BK Racing
is set to announce Monday that Jeb Burton will join the team full-time as a
Sunoco Rookie of the Year candidate in the NASCAR Sprint Cup Series in 2015 and
beyond. Burton is scheduled to replace Cole Whitt as the driver of the #26
Toyota for team owner Ron Devine, starting with his Sprint Cup debut in the
season-opening Daytona 500. Team co-owner Anthony Marlowe confirmed the move
Sunday afternoon to NASCAR.com, saying that it has signed a multiyear agreement
with the 22-year-old driver. A formal announcement is scheduled Monday morning
at the NASCAR Hall of Fame. Burton is scheduled to be joined at Monday's news
conference by his father, Ward Burton, who will assist BK Racing as a driving
coach and team ambassador.(NASCAR.com)(2-8-2015)
UPDATE 2:
Jeb Burton
has signed with BK Racing for the 2015 NASCAR Sprint Cup Season, as the driver
of the #26 Toyota Camry. Jeb Burton, the son of Daytona 500 Champion Ward
Burton, will be competing in his first NASCAR Sprint Cup Series season as a
Rookie of the Year Contender. Twenty-two year old Burton has had a great start
to his racing career with one Camping World Truck Series win, seven Top 5's,
nineteen Top 10's and seven Coors Light Pole awards. After finishing in the Top
10 55% of the time in the trucks series, and sitting on the pole 14% of the
time, Burton looks to make an unforgettable debut in the top series in
motorsports, starting February 22nd Daytona. BK Racing Co-Owner, Anthony
Marlowe commented on Jeb Burton joining the team, "We are very lucky to
have a great, young talented driver like Jeb Burton in one of our NASCAR Sprint
Cup cars. It was important for us to find full-time anchor drivers for this
season that are experienced and team-oriented. Jeb's success in the NASCAR
Camping World Truck Series along with his family's history in the sport makes
his emergence into Cup a great story. The story, which also includes having a
strong shot at winning Sunoco Rookie of the Year in 2015, has already proven to
be very marketable. I look forward to seeing Jeb behind the wheel of the #26
Toyota Camry very soon. I think he is going to do great in the Daytona
500."
"I am so thankful for the opportunity that BK Racing has given me,"
Jeb commented. "It has been a dream of mine to race in the Daytona 500
ever since I was 9 years old and I stood with my Dad in victory lane. I
remember thinking to myself then in 2002, I would like to win the 500 one day.
Now I have a chance at making that dream come true. I am looking forward to
making the 500, providing the best possible finish I can by running and racing
hard every lap this season. I also look forward to competing for the 2015 title
of Rookie of the Year. Each week, I will be concentrating on finishing on the
lead lap and learning as much as possible." Additionally, Ward Burton will
be a team ambassador for BK Racing and join Jeb in select appearances
throughout the 2015 NASCAR Sprint Cup Series Season.(BK Racing)(2-9-2015)
Driscoll email called for psy-ops war to manipulate media:
As #14-Tony
Stewart, coped last year with the most tragic accident ever to happen to him,
Patricia Driscoll, the woman now accusing ex-boyfriend and NASCAR driver,
#41-Kurt Busch, of domestic abuse, boasted her training in psychological
warfare was needed to help Stewart's public relations team manipulate and
control the media, according to an email obtained by Kickin' the Tires. "I
am writing you because what little know about me you may not know that I have a
background in Psychological Operations," Driscoll wrote, in an email dated
Aug. 12, 2014. "Part of my training and skill set is to break down large
issues and be able to convince large and small groups of people to do what you
want. I've worked in countries all over the world waging not only physical wars
but mental wars, and I've helped get a lot of Congressman save their jobs when
they did some stupid and not so legal things."(see full article atKickinTheTires)(2-11-2015)
Note: Hmmm, this might just add a big plus to
Kurt's defense?
Aurora, Colorado considering change that could help
racetrack developers:
An
Aurora racetrack has been unthinkable for years thanks to a rule that prohibits
the city from offering financial incentives to a racetrack developer. That
could finally change. The ordinance, which dates back to 1999, does the city no
favors, says Councilwoman Sally Mounier. That's why she is proposing a
referendum for the 2016 election that would ask Aurora voters to repeal the
rule. Mounier said she's not motivated to put the issue on the ballot because
she's been approached by a developer about a potential raceway in the city.
"I'm doing this because I think it's the right thing to do, and the timing
seems to be right," she says. "I think the (city) charter is not a
place to discriminate against a particular business." She introduced the
idea at city council's Management and Finance committee meeting Jan. 28 where
it was unanimously approved by city council committee members. In 1999, a
citizen group named Concerned Residents Against Speedway Havoc was successful
in convincing voters to pass a November ballot initiative preventing the city
from providing "indirect or direct subsidies" to any type of motor
racetrack. "Those things are just huge, expensive to build," said
Mayor Steve Hogan of the hundreds of millions of dollars needed to build
speedways on the scale of the Indianapolis 500. "At some point in time if
there were a serious proposal to get something like that into the area, it
would be nice for Aurora to be able to cooperate with other interests to make
it happen rather than saying we've got the land, but we can't help you. I think
most council members then and now understand that if there ever were to be a
NASCAR facility in the metro area, the best place would be on the east side of
the metro area, and that's Aurora," he said. The International Speedway
Corp., which owns and operates numerous NASCAR tracks across the country,
announced in 2007 its intent to build a racetrack in the Denver area. Aurora
became one of the likely candidates, with a parcel near the High Point
development in far north Aurora near Denver International Airport, and another
east of that site near Watkins. That project never came to fruition because of
the economic downturn.(Aurora Sentinel)(2-10-2015)
Note: I'm for a new track as long as another track
doesn't lose a date and the new track is not a "Cookie Cutter" mile
and a half. We need some smaller racks,
like Richmond, Bristol or Martinsville.
From
Track Forum:
http://www.trackforum.com/forums/forum.php
Daytona starts this week, full TV
schedule:
All times
ET
Monday, February 9
5 p.m., NASCAR America, NBC Sports Network
6 p.m., NASCAR Race Hub, FOX Sports 1
6:30 p.m., NASCAR Gridiron Challenge (re-air),
NBC Sports Network
7 p.m., NASCAR Race Hub (re-air), FOX Sports 2
Tuesday, February 10
11 a.m., Continental Tire Sportscar Challenge:
Daytona International Speedway (re-air), FOX Sports 1
6 p.m., NASCAR Race Hub, FOX Sports 1
6:30 p.m., NASCAR America, NBC Sports Network
7 p.m., NASCAR Gridiron Challenge (re-air),
NBC Sports Network
7 p.m., NASCAR Race Hub (re-air), FOX Sports 2
8 p.m., The Day: Daytona Primetime (re-air),
FOX Sports 2
8 p.m., NASCAR America: Celebrate the States 1
(re-air), NBC Sports Network
8:30 p.m., NASCAR America: Celebrate the
States 2 (re-air), NBC Sports Network
9 p.m., 2014 Daytona 500 (re-air), FOX Sports
2
9 p.m., NASCAR America: Celebrate the States 3
(re-air), NBC Sports Network
9:30 p.m., NASCAR America: Celebrate the
States 4 (re-air), NBC Sports Network
10 p.m., NASCAR Gridiron Challenge (re-air),
NBC Sports Network
10:30 p.m., The 10: Daytona Moments (re-air),
FOX Sports 2
11 p.m., 2014 NASCAR Sprint All-Star Race
(re-air), FOX Sports 2
11 p.m., The List: Greatest Finishes (re-air),
NBC Sports Network
11:30 p.m., The List: Memorable Moments
(re-air), NBC Sports Network
Midnight, 100,000 Cameras: NASCAR Sprint
All-Star Race (re-air), FOX Sports 2
12:30 a.m., The 10: Wildest Throwdowns
(re-air), FOX Sports 2
1 a.m., The Day: Remembering Dale Earnhardt
(re-air), FOX Sports 2
Wednesday, February 11
6 p.m., NASCAR Race Hub, FOX Sports 1
6:30 p.m., NASCAR America, NBC Sports Network
7 p.m., NASCAR Race Hub (re-air), FOX Sports 2
Thursday, February 12
9 a.m.-1 p.m., DAYTONA 500 Media Day, FOX Sports
1
5 p.m., NASCAR America, NBC Sports Network
5 p.m., NASCAR Race Hub: DAYTONA 500 Media
Day, FOX Sports 1
7 p.m., NASCAR 2015: A New Era (re-air), FOX
Sports 1
8 p.m., The Day: Daytona Primetime (re-air),
FOX Sports 1
11 p.m., NASCAR Race Hub: DAYTONA 500 Media
Day (re-air), FOX Sports 2
1 a.m., NASCAR 2015: A New Era (re-air), FOX
Sports 2
3 a.m., NASCAR Race Hub: DAYTONA 500 Media Day
(re-air), FOX Sports 1
5 a.m., NASCAR 2015: A New Era (re-air), FOX
Sports 1
Friday,
February 13
10 a.m., The Day: Daytona Primetime (re-air),
FOX Sports 1
11 a.m., NASCAR Race Hub: DAYTONA 500 Media
Day (re-air), FOX Sports 1
5 p.m., NASCAR
Sprint Cup Practice: Sprint Unlimited, FOX Sports 1
6 p.m., NASCAR America, NBC Sports Network
6 p.m., NASCAR Race Hub: Weekend Edition, FOX
Sports 1
6:30 p.m., NASCAR Sprint Cup Final Practice:
Sprint Unlimited, FOX Sports 1
7:30 p.m., A Perfect Storm: The 1979 DAYTONA
500, FOX Sports 1
8:30 p.m., 1979 DAYTONA 500, FOX Sports 1
3 a.m., NASCAR Sprint Cup Practice: Sprint
Unlimited (re-air), FOX Sports 1
4 a.m., NASCAR Sprint Cup Final Practice:
Sprint Unlimited (re-air), FOX Sports 1
5 a.m., The Day: Daytona Primetime (re-air),
FOX Sports 1
Saturday, February 14
10 a.m., 1979 DAYTONA 500 (re-air), FOX Sports
1
10:30 a.m., NASCAR Sprint Cup Practice:
DAYTONA 500, FOX Sports 1
12:30 p.m., Empty Cup: Quest for the 1992
NASCAR Championship (re-air), FOX Sports 2
1 p.m., 1979 DAYTONA 500 (re-air), FOX Sports
2
1:30 p.m., NASCAR Sprint Cup Practice: DAYTONA
500, FOX Sports 2
3 p.m., NASCAR Sprint Cup Practice: DAYTONA
500 (Simulcast), FOX Sports 1
3:30 p.m., NASCAR Race Hub: Weekend Edition,
FOX Sports 1
6 p.m., NASCAR Race Day, FOX Sports 1
8 p.m., Sprint Unlimited, FOX
11 p.m., NASCAR Victory Lane, FOX Sports 2
11:30 p.m., The 10: Daytona Moments (re-air),
FOX Sports 2
Sunday, February 15
9:30 a.m., A Perfect Storm: The 1979 DAYTONA
500 (re-air), FOX Sports 1
11 a.m., NASCAR Race Hub: Weekend Edition, FOX
Sports 1
1 p.m., NASCAR Sprint Cup Series Coors Light
Pole Qualifying, FOX
9 p.m., NASCAR DAYTONA 500 Pole Day, FOX
Sports 1
10 p.m., A Perfect Storm: The 1979 DAYTONA 500
(re-air), FOX Sports 1
3 a.m., Sprint Unlimited (re-air), FOX Sports
1
4:30 a.m., NASCAR DAYTONA 500 Pole Day
(re-air), FOX Sports 1
5:30 a.m., FOX Sports 1 on 1: Kevin Harvick
(re-air), FOX Sports 1
Not
listed but usually a good event to watch is the ARCA race, February 14 at 4:15
EST.
From the Dirt Track Digest Forum:
http://www.dirttrackdigest.com/DTD/
DEYO and
DIRT....talking!!!!!
http://www.dirttrackdigest.com/DTD/index.php?/topic/52935-deyo-and-dirttalking/
ROC Tour
Schedule
http://www.dirttrackdigest.com/DTD/index.php?/topic/52934-roc-tour-schedule/
Short Track
Super Series Standard Operating Procedures Posted For 2015
http://www.dirttrackdigest.com/DTD/index.php?/topic/52944-short-track-super-series-standard-operating-procedures-posted-for-2015/
Rules and standard operating procedures
for the 2015 Short Track Super Series Fueled By Hi-Tek have been released and
posted. The season opener at Orange County Fair Speedway on April 7 is just 55
days away!
Complete information can be found at the
links below:
Bob Hilbert Sportswear North Region: http://bdmotorsports...-Procedures.pdf
Pioneer Pole Buildings Inc. South
Region: http://bdmotorsports...-Procedures.pdf
The Short Track Super Series can now be
accessed on the web at www.shorttracksuperseries.com orwww.bdmotorsportsmedia.com. Like "Short Track Super
Series" on Facebook or @ShortTrackSS on Twitter.
From
the AARN:
This week in the AARN:
Andy Belmont
Heading Back To Daytona For ARCA Race As Crew Chief
NASCAR Announces
Huge Regional TV Package; Mods, K&N To Benefit
Undefeated Kerry
Madsen Runs Roughshod In Tony Stewart’s All Star Sprint Series
Waterford
Speedbowl’s Season Is Back On Track After New Owner Finally Closes Deal
Maryland’s
Historic Cumberland Fairgrounds To Run Again In 2015
Warren Alston
Named As VMRS Modified Series Race Director
No Repeat
Winners In Georgia WoO, Lucas Oil Races
Seymour’s Racers
Expo Is Big Hit For Exhibitors, Attendees
WRG Hires
Perrotte To DIRTcar Management Post
RoC Dirt Series
Sets Eleven Race Sched In Is Eleventh Season.
And, some stuff
I picked up via the Digital version on the Internet:
Bruce Bemer is
the new owner of the Waterford Speedbowl.
His intentions are to have weekly racing.
Armin Hostetter,
founder of Motorama and Trail Way Speedway, passed away on January 29th at the
age of 87.
Former OVRP Dirt
Oval runner Johnny Illanovsky has started up a modified program to go along
with his sportsman car. Sponsorship via
Smokers Choice came with a connection with one of his places of employment -
the Monticello Motor Club, where he's an instructor. Danny Creeden will drive the modified.
Note: Guess those talks Danny had at the AARN's
Motor Sports show, with Dieter Schmidt, didn't turn out in Danny's favor?
Lincoln Speedway
in PA is scheduled to open on February 21st.
NBC SN has 39
races for NASCAR's K&N and Whelen Modified tours.
Note: Wonder why dirt races can't get such a deal?
Tom Deery and
Brett Deyo met at the AARN's Motor Sports Show and they began a conversation
that extended days later, by phone.
Conversations were friendly. They
agreed to talk in the future regarding scheduling and other needed items that
will end the "Cold War" between Deyo and DIRTcar.
New England now
has four different Midget Series - two on dirt & two on pavement.
NEMA (regular
midgets & NEMA Lites) on pavement
USAC Dirt Midget
Association
POWRi Outlaw
Midgets (at Accord on 10/3)
Wicked Cool
Midget Series - on pavement. A group
that has broken away from NEMA Lites.
Note: Back in the last week of July in 1948, here
in the northeast, there were more than 30 midget races run that week.
Some up-coming
indoor events:
2/10 -
2/15: NEPA Race Car Mall Show - Laurel
Mall in West Hazleton, PA
2/22-2/28: Reding Racing and Reunion & Car Show -
Fairgrounds Mall - Reading
2/27-3/1: Southern Tier Speedworld - Oakdale Mall -
Johnson City, NY
3/1-3/7: IRCO Dirt Track Heroes Racing Show -
Phillipsburg Mall - Phillipsburg NJ
3/14 &
3/15: Motor Sports Expo Show - NY
Fairgrounds - Syracuse, NY
Found on the South Jersey Dirt Racing
Forum:
Dave
Blaney set fast time during the WoO practice session at Volusia last night.
Turned a lap of 12.724, which converts to an average speed of 141 MPH. He's in
the Heinke-Baldwin sprinter. Those boys are flyin'!
Note: Maybe a tad too fast? Hard to pass at those speeds. Personally, I think you'd see better RACING
minus the wings.
On Facebook - racing related:
To be
honest, I've been quite skeptical on what's been going on with the
"new" owners or Rolling Wheels.
Lots of contests and an apparent award of prizes. Here is what one "prize winner" had
to say, this past Monday:
"Dear Rolling Wheels
Speedway. ...Real professional to ban me from your page when I did nothing
wrong but called a spade a spade. The racing public is getting sick of your
lies and your promises that you don't hold true to. You have promised myself
and many others the "prizes" that we have won and never received !
Where was the number that we were told would be out this am for us to call? Oh
I get it it's easier to just ban people from your page then giving them what
they have coming. Enjoy keeping my "prizes " that I allegedly won
because I'll make sure I keep my money out of your hands and spend it at other
racetracks that appreciate the public!!!!
Note: There are some
real nice groups on Facebook that are devoted to racing, such as:
Tommy Hinnershitz
Islip Speedway
History of Stock Car racing
NEMA Midgets
USAC Silver Crown - from beginning to today
NEMA Legends
Back in the with ARDC Midgets
ARDC Midgets
North East Auto Racing photos & memories
Dirt Modifieds 1980's - East Coast
United Racing Club
Just to name some of them
Press Releases:
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This week’s
photo:
Note: photos
can only be seen if you go to the New England Tractor website.
http://newenglandtractor.com/racereport/
As I said above, some Russ
Klar photos:
This weeks video:
Darrell Waltrip at National prayer breakfast
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=9vnv9D9qIVY
Non racin' stuff:
Sports teams - yeah, I have
some favorites. Mostly, lately, they've
been losers. The NJ Giants & Jets,
the Mets. I don't follow hockey or NBA
men's basketball. I do, however, have
one favorite winning team - the UCON Women's Basketball team. The other day, they, being ranked # 2, and
had to play against South Carolina - ranked # 1.
I posted this, on Facebook:
"Well, I guess that kinda kicks "ratings" in
the butt, huh? South Carolina (#1) was no match for the UCON women (#2)
tonight. Final score 87-62"
Brian Williams:
A few years ago, when the
wife and I lived in Port Jervis, NY, our late afternoon TV time was watching
"The Five" on FOX. At 6:00, we
would change over to NBC to watch Brian Williams and his news reporting. One day, on "The Five", one of the
main topics was Benghazi. When we
switched over to NBC, I told my wife that if Williams made no mention of
Benghazi, I would no longer watch his show.
He made no mention. I haven't
watched him since.
Now, we come to find out
that, at times, he seems to have "fudged" a little on his news
reports - especially things that concerned him.
NBC has suspended him,
without pay, for six months. Wanna bet
he doesn't come back?
On Facebook on 2/10/15:
Allen
West
I offer my sincere condolences to the family of
young American Kayla Mueller who it is now confirmed has been killed while held
hostage by ISIS. Sadly I have only one question of President Obama, John Kerry,
Susan Rice, Valerie Jarrett and the progressive socialist ilk – what will it
take? America, we don’t have two years to endure this group of amateurs who
continue to dismiss the enemy choosing to fight climate change instead. The
time for Chamberlains has ended, no more talk about random acts of violence or insidious
moral equivalency proclamations. The group President Obama defined as a JV team
a year ago has grown from 3,000 to almost 50,000 and there is no end in sight
to their savage brutality. In the past few days we've how a leader responds to
ISIS and their barbarism – King Abdullah of Jordan. How will our community
organizer respond? Perhaps another lecture about the Crusades or another empty
rhetorical statement, followed by a round of golf? Kayla was killed by Islamic
terrorists, who need to be killed.
New
Maine Bill Would Limit What Welfare Recipients May Purchase With Food Stamps
Read more at
http://www.westernjournalism.com/new-maine-bill-limit-welfare-recipients-may-purchase-food-stamps/#GfCC0T56jhkuqtrl.99
This weeks joke:
FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF
AMBIGUITY,
AS WELL AS THE IDIOSYNCRASIES OF ENGLISH:
1. DON'T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON'T PET THE
SWEATY THINGS.
2. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.
3. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.
4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE
STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?
5. THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE
HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.
6. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN,
"WHERE'S THE SELF- HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD
DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.
7. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?
8. IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER
WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?
9. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS
TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?
10. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?
11. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM
IT ALL?"
12. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL
EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?
13. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS
WAGES?
14. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?
15. WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY
AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?
16. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS
OR NAKED?
17. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?
18. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE
HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?
19. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK
MACHINES?
20. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT
THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?
21. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?
22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK
ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.
23. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?
24. DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY
ADULTERY?
25. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?
26. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST
DROWN TOO?
27. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU
STILL BE HUNGRY?
28. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU
DONE?
29. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO
HAVE 'S' IN IT?
30. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED
"HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASSTEROIDS"?
31. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT
AT THEM?
32. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?
33. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL PERSON IN A CIRCLE
THREE TIMES, DO THEY BECOME DISORIENTED?
34. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD
??
Until my next column – next
week
Columns are
available on the Dirt Track Digest at: http://www.dirttrackdigest.com/ (Click on “Recent Columns – and I hope it works!)
And:
http://newenglandtractor.com/racereport/